Praise be to Allaah.
Smoking is one of the things that are forbidden. For more information on the evidence for it being forbidden, please see question no. 1812 and 10922.
If every person were able to live in this world according to his wishes and desires, there would be no misery in this world and it could not be described as hardship; there would be no problems that need to be solved and dealt with. But in reality it is a mixture of sweet and bitter. Each of us is trying to live his life according to his wishes and desires, wishing that others would understand that. But there are many obstacles in the way. This is the reality of this world; no matter how much enjoyment we find in it, it will ultimately end in sorrow and regret.
The feelings of anger that you experience as a reaction towards someone who smokes in front of you are justifiable feelings. Indeed I would go further and say that most wise people would naturally agree with you, because man is by nature repulsed by bad actions, in addition to that fact that you are being physically harmed by this smoke.
But a person must understand how he can express his feelings towards things and he must find the best way to express his feelings in different situations that do not suit him. When a person can overcome this obstacle successfully, he will have taken an important step towards achieving his goal.
Therefore we have to realize that people do not respond to the wishes of the one who issues commands with an attitude of force and compulsion, rather they will move far away from the one who is like that, even though they may believe that what he is saying or demanding is in itself correct and acceptable.
Simply feeling angry towards these things that you mention is something that is acceptable, but anger on its own does not bring about the desired results in most cases. Controlling your nerves and feelings, and looking for an appropriate way to express them will bring about the desired results in the shortest and easiest way. Have you tried expressing how much the smoking bothers you and the bad effect it has on you, in a calm and polite manner?
Most smokers, if you ask them to stop in a calm manner, explaining the reason, will respond immediately.
Conversely, they will respond to those who advise them in a bad way in an even worse manner, with few exceptions. If a person wants to achieve his goal, he has to be patient, careful and speak well.
You ask “do I have to control myself”? Definitely the answer will be yes, you have to have control yourself with these and with other people. How many things there are in this world that provoke anger.
Controlling yourself and your feelings must be one of your priorities. Our noble and merciful Prophet taught us this. When that man came to him and said, “O Messenger of Allaah, advise me,” the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Do not become angry.” The man repeated his question several times and the Messenger said, “Do not become angry.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6116).
How can a person live if he does not equip himself with patience?
Try to control your nerves by all possible means. Try to select friends who will help you to control yourself and become patient.
Keep away from any friends and colleagues who annoy you and get on your nerves. Try as much as possible to avoid the situations that provoke your anger.
First and last, seek help through du’aa’ and asking Allaah to help you to be patient in all situations.
Do not say that you cannot control your nerves, for feeling that you will fail may lead to it becoming a reality which you give in to and accept.
If you are determined and have a sincere intention, then in sha Allah you will reach your goal. But you should note that you will find that difficult [in the beginning]. But have confidence that you will eventually gain control of yourself and this bitterness and struggle will become sweet on the day when you find it bears fruit.
And Allaah knows best.