I am a married woman with kids.My husband treats me very well and takes care of me well.Recenetly one of his relatives a guy almost about 10 years younger than I am and I became very close and before I knew it he fell in love with me.I told him that its not on but his feelings for me grew and grew. I asked him to make Istikaara namaaz and ask Allahs guidance and he did so and he performed his namaaz thrice and all 3 times he got a positive answer with me.I dont see him but I know that since his a very decent boy and sincere. I have also grown to have feelings for him but I try and hide it all the time.Is it possible for me to make istikaara whilst married and also what do we do? Please make duaa for me and help me in this very diffcult situation as I dont want to cause any pain to my husband and my family.
Praise be to Allaah.
Allaah has caused men to be attracted to women, and women to
be attracted to men, and this inclination sometimes results in haraam
relationships such as zina, and sometimes it results in permissible
relationships such as marriage. Allaah has made the wife a covering for her
husband and has made the husband a covering for his wife. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
“They are Libaas [i.e. body-cover, or screen, or Sakan
(i.e. you enjoy the pleasure of living
with them)] for you and you are the same for them”
One of the blessings that Allaah bestows upon some spouses is
that He creates love and compassion between them, and helps each of them to
do that which causes harmony to grow in the family and ward off disputes and
arguments. This is a very great blessing indeed, which is not appreciated by
anyone but those whose family relationships are disrupted and disputes and
arguments arise amongst them, which turn the marital relationship into an
unbearable hell. If that happens, each spouse starts to dream of a stable
family life, and the man wishes for a wife with whom he can live in peace,
and the wife wishes for a man with whom she can live in peace.
From your question, it may be understood that Allaah has
bestowed all these blessings upon you, so what you should do is be grateful
to Allaah for this great blessing and strive to preserve it and the family
with which Allaah has blessed you, for millions of women wish that they
could be in the good situation in which you are, but you do not appreciate
You should note that it is not permissible for a woman to
form a relationship with a non-mahram man. If she is married, then such a
relationship is even more haraam, because it is a transgression against the
husband’s rights and honour.
Based on this, it is not permissible for you and this evil
lover to pray istikhaarah, because istikhaarah is only prescribed in cases
where it is not clear if the matter is good or bad, and the Muslim does not
know where his interests lie, so he prays istikhaarah asking that Allaah
will help him to attain that which is good if it is good, or divert it from
him if it is bad. But if a Muslim prays istikhaarah with regard to
disobeying Allaah or going against His commands, this is a sin for which he
has to repent to Allaah.
To explain further: if a Muslim woman prays istikhaarah about
marrying someone other than her husband when she is still married to her
husband, then in fact she is praying istikhaarah about wrecking her home and
family, and praying istikhaarah about hurting her children, and praying
istikhaarah about divorcing a husband who is treating her well and taking
good care of her. So she is praying istikhaarah about betraying him and
stabbing him in the back by tearing apart his family, so that his home and
hers will be destroyed at her hands. She is praying istikhaarah about
responding to great kindness and good treatment with a great wrong and
denying the rights of one who has treated her well.
All of these factors and many others apply to the istikhaarah
prayer that you offered.
As for the positive result that you say your friend got,
undoubtedly this is a case of the shaytaan making following one's whims and
desires appear attractive. The Muslim should not pray istikhaarah about
doing something that is haraam, so how can he pray istikhaarah and claim
that he got a positive result?!
Moreover, after praying istikhaarah the Muslim should resolve
firmly either to do it or not to do it. Whatever Allaah makes easy for him
is what is good, but if he waits until he feels good about it or sees a
dream and the like, these are usually illusionary matters on which no shar’i
ruling can be based.
Based on the above, you should push away all whispers from
the shaytaan that have to do with this matter, and do not give evil any way
of reaching you or your family or children. You should realize that you have
fallen into a trap of the shaytaan, because he has made you attractive to
this young man and has made him attractive to you so that he may achieve
what is his greatest dream, namely the destruction of a stable, believing
Muslim family and the divorce of two spouses who love one another, and the
neglect of their children.
Thwart the plans of the shaytaan by not letting this young
man destroy your life and your family. Cut off all means that may enable him
to continue to have any place in your life.
One of the ways in which you can ward off these devilish
whispers is to ask yourself the following questions and answer them
If this young man is righteous,
then how can he accept to destroy the home of his Muslim brother and split
up his family?
If this person really loves
you, why is he striving to wreck your home and destroy your family? Does he
love you or does he love himself and is only looking out for his own
interests and desires?
If this young man were to get
what he wants and you were to get divorced from your husband – Allaah forbid
– what would be the fate of your children who are a trust about which Allaah
will question you on the Day of Resurrection?
What guarantee do you have that
this young man will treat you as nicely after marriage as he does now? It
should be noted that many marriages that are based on “love” are doomed to
failure after only a few months, because they are based on a weak
foundation, not on a foundation of pleasing Allaah and His Messenger
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).
Do you expect that trust will
last between you after you get married? If he loves you although you are
married, then how can you be sure that he will not fall in love with someone
else who is also married or not married? How can he trust you if you
destroyed your home for his sake? This pattern may be repeated when you are
married to him. These doubts will persist and will be a cause of anxiety for
both of you. You have both accepted something haraam and you have not
refrained from establishing a haraam relationship even though there is a
legitimate marriage contract between you and your husband, so who can
guarantee that it will not happen again?
With regard to your request for a du’aa’, I ask Allaah, the
Most High, the Almighty, by His grace and favour, to make goodness easy for
you and to ward off all evil from you, and to continue to bless you and your
family with stability and love, and to keep you and your husband and
children safe, and to ward off from you the whispers of the shaytaan and his
making falsehood attractive.
And Allaah knows best.